It's a Craptastic Life

I think I might have to watch past the 15 minute mark of It's a Wonderful Life* after reading this:

I am a long time reader and have been enjoying your "Questionable Moments from 'It's a Wonderful Life'" series, as this beloved Christmas movie has some problems.
But this segment seems now to be over, and I am wondering how it is you missed the most hilarious moment in that movie, where we discover what happened to Mary?
Towards the end of George's lesson, when he's realizing how truly awful everything would be if he'd never been born, he has a horrible thought. Mary! What's happened to Mary?! He demands to know from Clarence, who doesn't want to tell him. "You're-you're not going to like it George!"

And the suspense is killing us. What could have happened? I mean, we've already seen the entire town go to hell. His brother is dead, so are all the people his brother saved in WWII. The pharmacist he worked for is a criminal and a drunk, and Clarence doesn't want to say what happened to Mary? Why? Is she dead? A destitute alcoholic? Married to a horrible abusive man?

But no! It is a fate much worse than all of those put together! Because George was never born, Mary never married! She-she became a librarian! The horror!!!

*screams and faints*

And that, that is the most questionable moment from "It's a Wonderful Life."

(from the Sheldon Blog)




*This is actually a total lie. I'll watch all 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS, but I will not stoop so low as to watch any of this crapfest. Bah Humbug, Clarence.

srsly.

Yes, I am posting a site called Fuck You Penguin to my blog in the middle of a workday. At work. If this doesn't get me fired by Christmas, I don't know what will.

Blogger Beware: The Goosebumps Blog

I think most of us were a little too old for the Goosebumps craze, but this blog is still funny even if you've never read one*:

http://www.bloggerbeware.com/

The author is re-reading all the Goosebumps books and reviewing each one. He keeps track of recurring themes like platonic boy/girl friendships, lack of minority characters, questionable behavior by parents and teachers, werewolf appearances (it's always werewolves!), suspicious scientists, '90s cultural references (one parent worries if her son has become "a grunge"), and gives away each of R.L. Stine's famous twist endings. He also makes a lot of musical jokes, which I always enjoy. Anyone else who can identify the Leonard Cohen reference in the Scream School entry gets to be my new best friend. :)

This retrospective post is a good introduction to the blog, with the author providing a top 10 best/worst Goosebumps books.


*I actually have read one. My younger sister loved these books, and I know I did read one of her's that was about a boy and girl who went to a horror amusement park that turned out to be run by...Aaahh!!! REAL MONSTERS! But judging from the blog there were actually several different Goosebumps books with exactly this premise, including an entire spin-off series, so I don't know which one it was.

My library has lost its virginity

I am now working in a brand-new library. Before we opened in August, there were some jokes among the staff about how long it would take before we caught students having sex in one of the study rooms.

The answer turned out to be "a little more than two months".

There may well have been students having sex before that, but this was the first couple to be naked on the floor when the night manager was doing her pre-closing sweep of the building.

Our admin assistant said she wished she'd been there, because she could have explained to the young couple that it is not strictly necessary to remove all of your clothing before having sex, and that if one is about to get busy in a semi-public space then it's wise to remain as clothed as you can.

I am not sorry that I wasn't there, but if I had been then I at least would have been ready with the horrible pun I prepared back during the summer:

"Alright kids, break it up, this ain't the Library of CONGRESS!"

It never hurts to be ready with a horrible pun.

omg you GUYS i knew that barbara ehrenreich was pretty sweet but now she is my personal HERO

Babs puts the smack down on optimism! You know I love this because I've never believed in the power of positive thinking. I think Ehrenreich's thesis boils down to my personal mantra: prefer to be miserable and you will never be disappointed.

How to apologize, the Japanese way

This video is by the same people who made the sushi video I posted a long time ago. It shows you the correct way to express your shame in various situations, including bumping into someone in public or violating the Code of the Ninja.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4bMM73-qHo&

Dear University X

Dear University X,

Words cannot express my admiration for your environmentally conscious decision to eschew printed rejection letters in favor of a single "Dear Candidate" e-mail that you copied to all rejected applicants. Leaving the names and e-mail addresses of all the other 19 candidates visible helped to make me feel like part of a broader community of rejects. What a fun pay-off to the three and a half months of suspense during which you never even acknowledged having received my application in the first place!

Best regards,

Me

I'm glad I found a new job two months ago, or I'd have been feeling really upset and not sarcastic right now.