Kelly, I think you may have some competition....

Though I think your celeb version is much better.

I am thankful for...shushing

I wrote this song a while back, and have been saving it for a special occasion like THANKSGIVING! It was inspired by my first experience shushing a patron, a girl who was yakking away very loudly on her cellphone in the middle of the main floor of the library. I had to banish her to the foyer.

I used this "The Office" music video to help me write new lyrics for the song. Please imagine me dancing just like Michael Scott as you read.

Shushin' Back

I'm bringing shushin' back.
These little patrons don't know how to act.
I heard a ringtone, what's behind your back?
And none of that now while you're in the stacks.

Take it to the foyer.

[Bridge]
Chatty babe,
You see these glasses?
Baby, act your age.
You better watch it if you misbehave.
Library's not where you act this way.

Take it to the foyer.

[Chorus]
Come here, girl.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Come to the stacks.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
VIP.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Just like Dewey.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Let me see what you're shushin' with.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Look at those lips.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Don't crack a smile.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
Go ahead, child.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
And get your shushin' on.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)

Get your shushin' on.
(Go ahead, get shushin' it.)
[6X]

Get your shushin' on.

I'm bringing shushin' back.
These little patrons don't know how to act.
Some peace and quiet are the things we lack.
Cause you're acting up, you better shut it fast.

Take it to the foyer.

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

Get ready! [3X]

I'm bringing shushin' back.
Hey little patrons, watch while I attack.
If that's your cell, you better watch your back.
Cause you'll get a shush from me, and that's a fact.

Take it to the foyer.

[Chorus]

Get ready!

{record scratch, music stops}

SHHHHHHHHHHH!

Get ready!

{record scratch, music back for end of song}

D'yer Mak'er (The Acronym Song)

People often ask me where I get my ideas.

Well, okay, people ask me why I get my ideas, and if there's any way I could stop.

But if people did ask me where I get my ideas, I'd have to say that I got this particular one when I heard Led Zepplin's "D'yer Mak'er" on the radio yesterday morning. It struck me that the lyrics consist largely of the word "Oh", and that other letters could easily be substituted in.

Since this isn't one of Led Zepplin's biggest hits, I've found somebody's homemade YouTube video for the song so you can hear it. (I don't know what cartoon the video is based on, but out of many "D'yer Mak'er" videos on YouTube, this seemed to be the only one where the images had anything to do with the lyrics.)

ANYWAY, I began work on this song intending for it to be about a generic librarian showing off her knowledge of industry jargon. It soon transformed into the tale of a cataloger, and a romance threatened by acronyms.

D'yer Mak'er (The Acronym Song)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, OPAC?
You don't have to know, oh, oh, 'bout that.
You don't have to know, oh, O-C-L-C,
You leave that to me.
I, I, I, I-L-L?
You just leave, uh, that one to me as well.
Acronyms won't come between you and I,
Baby, please don't cry.

When you heard the letters that we talk with,
It made you mad, mad, mad.
When you forgot the words that they stood for,
It made you sad, sad, sad.
But I still love you so,
More than I-S-O.
I love you,
Oh, baby I love you!

Oh, oh, oh, O-S-I,
You know I wouldn't lie, ay, ay, ay, ay,
MARC's not another guy...hey hey.
Oh baby, believe in what I say...

I, I, I-S-B-N,
Our love will never end, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Dewey's just my friend, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Darling, please don't go.

When you heard the letters that we talk with,
It made you mad, mad, mad.
When you forgot the words that they stood for,
It made you sad, sad, sad.
But I still love you so,
More than I-S-O.
I love you,
Oh, baby I love you!

{bridge}

Oh, oh, oh, oh, OPAC?
You don't have to know, oh, oh, 'bout that.
You don't have to know, oh, oh, oh, oh.
No baby...L...C, D...D...C!
A-A-C-R Second, baby,
Ah ah, I really love you, baby.
A-A-C-R Second, darlin',
Oooohhhh, oh...
Oh baby, I still love you so.
Oh baby, I still love you so...ohohoh, ooo...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, OPAC,
Yeah...
(SLIS!)
A-A-C-R Second,
Ooooooh...
(SLIS!)
A-A-C-R Second,
Oooooooooooooo...
(SLIS!)
Yeah...oooh baby....

Ask...and God may answer

Last night this topic was discussed by those in attendence. And, I was accused of being too professional. Please note that Nelson Mandela will be pleased at the rumor. More SPICE would sure be nice! Maybe they can start the trend of neverending farewell tours!!

We Are Librarians

I've been struggling with a showtune parody for some time, which may or may not eventually come together. But I wanted to get at least one more song in before graduation, and decided that it would be nice to write something that was actually in honor of graduation. The following came together pretty quickly...which is good, since I wrote it when I was supposed to be working.

We Are Librarians
(apologies to Queen)

I've paid my dues,
Time after time.
I've paid tuition,
Yes, every last dime.
Exam mistakes,
I've made a few.
I've had my share of late nights and headaches,
But I've come through.

(And we mean to go on and on and on and on…)

We are librarians, my friends.
And we'll promote reading 'til the end.
We are librarians,
We are librarians,
No time for losers,
'Cause we are the librarians…of Madison.

I've taken my classes,
In spring and in fall.
You've taught me cataloging and everything that goes with it,
I thank you all.

Now I’ve put on my glasses,
And sensible shoes,
I’m gonna work providing information services,
And I ain't gonna lose!

(And we mean to go on and on and on and on…)

We are librarians, my friends.
And we'll promote reading 'til the end.
We are librarians,
We are librarians,
No time for losers,
'Cause we are the librarians…of Madison.

Money for Nothin' (And Your Books For Free)

I'd like you all to imagine that this song is being performed by a somewhat bitter cardiac nurse. (She should also be crudely animated using 1980s style CGI, as per the link.) This wasn't my original plan for the song, I just needed a good rhyme for "refrigerator" and the next thing I knew the lyrics were from the perspective of a health care professional. But it seemed to make sense, as nursing is another "pink collar" occupation whose membership might well feel that librarians have it easy.

Money for Nothin' (And Your Books For Free)

(I love my library...)

Now look at them bitches,
That's the way you do it,
You push the book cart in the library.
That ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Money for nothin',
And your books for free.
Now that ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Lemme tell ya, them gals ain't dumb.
Maybe get a blister on your shushin' finger,
Maybe lose a pencil in your bun.

We got to install cardiac pacers.
Medication deliveries.
We got to move these defibrillators,
We got to move these central IVs.

See the little spinster with the glasses and no makeup,
Oh baby, does her own hair.
That little spinster got her own Ford Taurus,
That little spinster, hasn't got a care.

We got to install cardiac pacers.
Medication deliveries.
We got to move these defibrillators,
We got to move these central IVs.

I shoulda learned to do the book talk,
I shoulda learned to catalog.
Look at that shelver,
She got books on tape and DVDs, man!
She must have some fun.
And she's up there, what's that? Digital records?
She's bangin' on the keyboard like a chimpanzee.
Oh, that ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Get your money for nothin',
And your books for free.

We got to install cardiac pacers.
Medication deliveries.
We got to move these defibrillators,
We got to move these central IVs.

Listen here!
Now that ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
You push the book cart in the library.
That ain't workin',
That's the way you do it,
Money for nothin',
And your books for free.
Money for nothin',
And your books for free.
Get your money for nothin',
And your books for free.
Look at that, look at that!
Get your money for nothin',
(I love my, I love my...)
And your books for free.
(I love my library.)
Get your money for nothin'...

Gimme Serials

As promised, here is my newest song. It's inspired by academic libraries, and by whatever commercial that is that uses "Gimme Shelter". I guess it's not a very effective commercial, because I have no idea what it's for. I just know I keep hearing "Gimme Shelter", and once the chorus was stuck in my head the parody seemed obvious.

Okay, enough talk. Let's rock and roll!

Gimme Serials
(apologies to the Rolling Stones)

LIBRARY PAGES:
OoooOOOOooooh,
OoooOOOOooooh.
OoooOOOOooooh,
OoooOOOOooooh...

STUDENT:
Oh, this course is threatening,
My G.P.A today.
If I don't read some serials,
Oh yeah, I'll get a failin' grade.

LIBRARIAN:
Oh, patron, it's just a shelf away,
It's just a shelf away.
Oh, patron, it's just a shelf away,
It's just a shelf away, yeah.

STUDENT:
Oh, see I need citations,
For an essay due today.
Where do ya keep the journals?
'Cause I've lost my way.

LIBRARIAN:
Oh, patron, it's just a shelf away,
It's just a shelf away.
Oh, patron, it's just a shelf away,
It's just a shelf away, yeah.

{guitar solo}

LIBRARIAN:
Bound...journals!
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away.

Bound...journals!
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away.

Bound...journals!
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away, yeah, yeah, yeah.

STUDENT:
Oh, this course is threatening,
My G.P.A today.
Gimme, gimme serials,
Or I'll get a failin' grade.

LIBRARIAN:
Oh, patron, it's just a shelf away,
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away.
It's just a shelf away.

If you need help, students, then just you ask away,
Then just you ask away.
Then just you ask away.
Then just you ask away.
Then just you ask away.
Ask away, ask away, yeah.

Shushin' Freak

Ms. Dewey has inspired me to write a song about real librarians, the kind we know and love. The kind who read lots of books, are patient with patrons, and wear sensible shoes.

After a few failed attempts at "Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend Knew LCC?", I took a slightly different tack. The result: "Shushin' Freak", in the style of Rick James.

I hope, in the spirit of the holiday, that this makes you feel thankful. Thankful that you don't actually have to hear me sing this song out loud.

(Ahem. Do re mi fa so la te SHHHHH!)

She's a very mousy girl,
The kind who dresses like your mother.
She will never turn your questions down,
Once she's workin' at the desk.
Oh girl!
She likes the books that are banned,
She says that Twain's her all-time favorite.
When I make my move to the stack's it's the right time,
She always wants to read.

{Refrain}
That girl is pretty quiet now,
The girl's a shushin' freak.
The kind of girl you read about,
In Booklist Magazine.
That girl is pretty mousy,
The girl's a shushin' freak.
She's always got a new book,
Every time we meet.
She's all right, she's all right,
That girl's all right with me,
Yeah!

She's a shushin' freak, shushin' freak,
She's shushin' people, yow!
(Everybody read.)
Shushin' freak, shushin' freak.

She's a very special girl,
(The kind of girl you want to know)
From her bun down to her Oxfords.
(Down to her feet, yeah.)
And she'll wait for me at Borders with her girlfriends,
In a cardigan.
(Going back to New Fiction.)
Three's not a crowd to her, she says.
"College Library, we'll be waiting."
When I get there, she's got coffee, books, and journals,
It's a whole book club scene.

{Refrain}

{Bridge}

She's a shushin' freak, shushin' freak,
She's shushin' people, yow!

Archivists sing!
(Shhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush!)
Shushin' freak, shushin' freak,
That girl's a shushin' freak.
(Shhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush!)

She's a very mousy girl,
The kind who dresses like your mother.
And she will never turn your questions down,
Once she's workin' at the desk.

Go, Dewey!

{horn solo}

It's Hard Out Here For a Temp

Since my last little ditty went over so well, I've decided to share a number I wrote shortly after the Oscars this past year. This was inspired by my own experiences in the gritty and brutal world of non-permanent office staffing services.

Check it out, now...check it out...check it, check it out like a library book...

It's Hard Out Here For a Temp

CHORUS:
You know it's hard out here for a temp (you ain't knowin'),
When she's tryin' to get her money for the rent (you ain't knowin'),
For the groceries and gas money spent (you ain't knowin'),
Because a whole lot of temps they jumpin' ship (you ain't knowin').

At my job I done seen some crazy things in spreadsheets,
Gotta number check 'em all to earn some changes for me.
So I gotta keep accounts tight, like H&R on tax night,
Like takin' from a temp who don't know no better, I know that ain't right.
Done seen people fired, done seen people deal,
Done worked a full shift with no break for a meal.
No insurance where I work, but that's just how it is.
It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years.
It's blood, sweat, and tears when it comes down to this job.
I'm tryin' to get cash for to move out from my mom's.
I'm tryin' to have things, but it's hard for a temp.
But I'm prayin' and I'm hopin' to God I don't slip, yeah.

CHORUS

Man, it seems like I'm duckin', dodgin' staples everyday.
Temps hatin' on me cause I got shoes from Tar-jay.
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water,
Couldn't keep up with my loans, that's when it got harder.
Manpower's where I'm from, I'm QTI bound,
Where temps all the time end up lost and never found.
Man, these girls think we do things, earn a big wage,
They practice Word every night, and then they do some FrontPage.
Now I can do Access, and Excel too,
You pay the right price, I'll do both for you.
That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly tempin',
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin' change off my typin', yeah.

CHORUS

Too good to be hidden in the comments

This lovely ditty by our fellow librarianette, Kelly, was too good to be hidden away in the comments. [In reference to this post.]

I like big butts, and I cannot lie.

You other 'brarians can't deny,

That when a girl walks in with a real high waist,

And a white bra in your face,

You feel STUNNED, wanna post on your blogs,

'Cause you know that look went out with pogs.

Oh, those slim jeans she's wearin'!

I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'!

Oh, SLIS blog, I wish I could quit'cha,

But I love these wack celeb pict'chas.