It's a Craptastic Life

I think I might have to watch past the 15 minute mark of It's a Wonderful Life* after reading this:

I am a long time reader and have been enjoying your "Questionable Moments from 'It's a Wonderful Life'" series, as this beloved Christmas movie has some problems.
But this segment seems now to be over, and I am wondering how it is you missed the most hilarious moment in that movie, where we discover what happened to Mary?
Towards the end of George's lesson, when he's realizing how truly awful everything would be if he'd never been born, he has a horrible thought. Mary! What's happened to Mary?! He demands to know from Clarence, who doesn't want to tell him. "You're-you're not going to like it George!"

And the suspense is killing us. What could have happened? I mean, we've already seen the entire town go to hell. His brother is dead, so are all the people his brother saved in WWII. The pharmacist he worked for is a criminal and a drunk, and Clarence doesn't want to say what happened to Mary? Why? Is she dead? A destitute alcoholic? Married to a horrible abusive man?

But no! It is a fate much worse than all of those put together! Because George was never born, Mary never married! She-she became a librarian! The horror!!!

*screams and faints*

And that, that is the most questionable moment from "It's a Wonderful Life."

(from the Sheldon Blog)




*This is actually a total lie. I'll watch all 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS, but I will not stoop so low as to watch any of this crapfest. Bah Humbug, Clarence.

srsly.

Yes, I am posting a site called Fuck You Penguin to my blog in the middle of a workday. At work. If this doesn't get me fired by Christmas, I don't know what will.

Blogger Beware: The Goosebumps Blog

I think most of us were a little too old for the Goosebumps craze, but this blog is still funny even if you've never read one*:

http://www.bloggerbeware.com/

The author is re-reading all the Goosebumps books and reviewing each one. He keeps track of recurring themes like platonic boy/girl friendships, lack of minority characters, questionable behavior by parents and teachers, werewolf appearances (it's always werewolves!), suspicious scientists, '90s cultural references (one parent worries if her son has become "a grunge"), and gives away each of R.L. Stine's famous twist endings. He also makes a lot of musical jokes, which I always enjoy. Anyone else who can identify the Leonard Cohen reference in the Scream School entry gets to be my new best friend. :)

This retrospective post is a good introduction to the blog, with the author providing a top 10 best/worst Goosebumps books.


*I actually have read one. My younger sister loved these books, and I know I did read one of her's that was about a boy and girl who went to a horror amusement park that turned out to be run by...Aaahh!!! REAL MONSTERS! But judging from the blog there were actually several different Goosebumps books with exactly this premise, including an entire spin-off series, so I don't know which one it was.

My library has lost its virginity

I am now working in a brand-new library. Before we opened in August, there were some jokes among the staff about how long it would take before we caught students having sex in one of the study rooms.

The answer turned out to be "a little more than two months".

There may well have been students having sex before that, but this was the first couple to be naked on the floor when the night manager was doing her pre-closing sweep of the building.

Our admin assistant said she wished she'd been there, because she could have explained to the young couple that it is not strictly necessary to remove all of your clothing before having sex, and that if one is about to get busy in a semi-public space then it's wise to remain as clothed as you can.

I am not sorry that I wasn't there, but if I had been then I at least would have been ready with the horrible pun I prepared back during the summer:

"Alright kids, break it up, this ain't the Library of CONGRESS!"

It never hurts to be ready with a horrible pun.

omg you GUYS i knew that barbara ehrenreich was pretty sweet but now she is my personal HERO

Babs puts the smack down on optimism! You know I love this because I've never believed in the power of positive thinking. I think Ehrenreich's thesis boils down to my personal mantra: prefer to be miserable and you will never be disappointed.

How to apologize, the Japanese way

This video is by the same people who made the sushi video I posted a long time ago. It shows you the correct way to express your shame in various situations, including bumping into someone in public or violating the Code of the Ninja.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4bMM73-qHo&

Dear University X

Dear University X,

Words cannot express my admiration for your environmentally conscious decision to eschew printed rejection letters in favor of a single "Dear Candidate" e-mail that you copied to all rejected applicants. Leaving the names and e-mail addresses of all the other 19 candidates visible helped to make me feel like part of a broader community of rejects. What a fun pay-off to the three and a half months of suspense during which you never even acknowledged having received my application in the first place!

Best regards,

Me

I'm glad I found a new job two months ago, or I'd have been feeling really upset and not sarcastic right now.

condescend much?

Ack, you guys. On my way to work this morning I heard a most unfortunate news story about three young GOP hacks who are living across the river from my fair city and preparing for the upcoming asshole-fest (Republican National Convention).

It's annoying enough to hear how the talking heads and reputable journalists keep effing up the difference between the twin cities, but now I have to hear three little GOP clowns talk smack about St. Paul? "We landed in Mayberry"?! Yes, that's right, she went there.

So I'll go here: Nice blouse, bitch. I didn't know the Mall of America still stocked Laura Ashley circa 1992.

For all the Birbigliophiles

Mike Birbiglia on This American Life

would have been totes helpful three years ago

Google Maps keeps getting better and better, right? I just noticed that there is now an option to choose walking directions when you're mapping out a route. This is helpful in my current neighborhood, where there are a lot of one-way streets. Plus, I'll be walking more often as gasoline becomes unaffordable on a librarian's salary.

I just wish that Google would have had this feature during my first year of graduate school when I was living on the isthmus and completely confounded by the weird downtown grid. I used Google driving directions, which were not very efficient on foot!

Cake Wrecks

I don't often laugh out loud at things I see on the Internet, even if they're really funny. But I was truly LOL over this blog, featuring photos of very...unfortunate...professionally decorated cakes.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

There's a wedding cake that is a life-sized replica of the bride, a psychedelic monstrosity intended for a Sweet 16 party, some truly hilarious errors in the messages written on cakes, and a disturbing number of baby shower cakes in the form of actual babies.

Font humor. Yes, I said font humor.

What could be funnier than a Font Conference?

No more grapefruit vodka for me

I wanted to let you all know that I am soon to be an employed librarian again. I officially accepted a job offer yesterday and my start date is 7/14. I'll be working at a mid-sized university about 30 minutes from where I've been living. I may decide to move closer to campus at some point in the future, but for now I'll be commuting.

This is in every way a better position than the one I had. Better pay, higher status, more opportunities for development, on-site access to caffeinated beverages, and a location in a newly constructed library that isn't run down or overcrowded (yet).

Job Hunt Statistics:

Time since first application submitted: 3 months
Total applications submitted: 13
Rejections, to date: 2
Telephone interviews: 3
In-person interviews: 1
Losers who never even sent a "we've received your application" notice: 4

Song of the Count

Here's the Count from Sesame Street singing a song. It's been edited in a very minor way by Neil Cicierega (of "Potter Puppet Pals" fame), with interesting results.

I won't say more, except to warn you that it's probably best not to play this at work unless you're wearing headphones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AXPnH0C9UA

Soggy Books, Soggy City

My poor childhood library. It's all moldy now. And Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is responsible. (I think that's who that is.)

Happy Hour Returns

It's been too long! Happy hour will convene on Thursday 6/12 at Lucky's Bar & Grill, 1421 Regent St. around 5:00pm. You've got a whole week so plan accordingly.

my first post in months!

Meow!

Camping -- anyone?

So, a few weeks ago I planted a seed for a camping trip, but only got one comment. True, I was waxing poetic and fishing, but the apathy people...come on! So, this time I'm going to provide some more details, for consideration.

What: Camping Trip
When: July/August weekend (TBD)
Where: Mill Bluff State Park (Camp Douglas, WI)(approx. 1.5 hrs northwest of Madison)
Why: Because I haven't seen my old library buddies

If anyone has a preference for dates please let me know. Thank you and have a nice day!

it's our time

Where Barry's speechwriter gets his inspiration (I think):

This seemed pertinent

Slate's Procrastination Issue

24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot

I've never even seen the show 24, but I was laughing hard at this vision of what the show would have been like if the characters were limited to the technology of 1994.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMLH_QyPTYM

"Dammit George, you picked up the phone while I was doing the Internet!"

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure Mulder and Scully did have cellphones smaller than bricks even in circa 1994 episodes of the X-Files. But I guess that may have been thanks to alien technology...

When Obama becomes Prez...

Similar to the bicycle one.

when did they become the grand old communist party?

Early this fall my fair city is expecting an influx of tens of thousands of assholes Republican delegates. So I was checking the RNC's official convention site to see how worried I should be that my contributions to Barry Obama's presidential campaign might get me kicked out of the city, or bound and gagged and thrown in a holding cell, for the duration of the convention, and I happened to notice a strange and curious sight.

In the smack dabbin middle of the home page is a link that says--for reals--"Keep It Green." Seriously. And it links to some story about assholes RNC staffers, like, cleaning up a river. And I was all, BUT I THOUGHT THEY THOUGHT THE FREE MARKET IS GOING TO SOLVE CLIMATE CHANGE WTF ASSHOLES GOP YOU ARE CHANGING THE RULES OF THE GAME! Head. Spinning.

Honestly, I am perplexed. When did the GOP get infiltrated by a bunch of pinkos and how did MSNBC not catch it?

Walk in the Woods (not the book)

So, I'm walking in the woods last weekend, and thinking how nice the solitary life is (read lonely), and I'm walking by empty campsite after empty campsite, and I say to myself (since there is no one else to talk to) that these campsites must be enjoying the solitary life as well, but then I have a sudden epiphany (not my second cousin) that there used to be a rowdy bunch of people, who, shushed people for a living, that were actually onced shushed by Ranger Bob, and the thought occurred to me that perhaps, just perhaps, someday, some how, some way, that group could be brought back together, reunited as it were, to bring information to the very trees, upon which a lifetime of information is written and then distributed to the masses, if only this were possible, then as suddenly as the thought came, it dissipated with the forest mist, and I continued upon the path alone.

Librarian Dress Up

Have you all seen this? This is my favorite combination so far.

Kelly, I think you may have some competition....

Though I think your celeb version is much better.

Finally my knowledge of Japanese demons comes in handy

I had what was probably my most unusual reference question ever today.

A rather large and somewhat scary young man came in with a friend and asked what we had in the way of Japanese literature. This seemed straightforward enough, but as further conversation revealed he was specifically interested in the oni (demons or ogres) and more specifically was looking for artwork depicting such...because he needed some reference images for a tattoo.

I'm not totally sure if he wanted to GET or GIVE an oni tattoo -- he did have several large tattoos on his arms and legs already, but I later heard him talking to a student worker and it sounded like he actually works at a tattoo parlor.

This guy was lucky he came in on my watch, because I don't think anyone else on staff would have known enough about this particular subject to give him much help. He had a specific type of image in mind (ogre-like oni with large teeth), and said he'd already looked on the Web with no success. We probably spent 45 minutes looking at different books of Japanese artwork. I also found a few good images on ARTstor. None of the pictures were exactly what he wanted, but in the end he went away with 8-10 photocopies or printouts of scrolls and statues depicting oni. Oh yeah, and a Tsukioka Yoshitoshi woodblock print of a Japanese warrior on top of a giant skull with bulging eyes, which I have to admit would make a pretty badass tattoo.

What's funny is that this guy was from out of town, and apparently was not very familiar with the college at all. For all I know he was wandering from library to library looking for anyone who knew anything about depictions of demons in Japanese art, but I guess he finally came to the right place.

Uh oh, they're on to us

I suppose it was inevitable that someone would eventually realize the truth.

Librarians are vampires.

It's nice to have outside confirmation of my theory that IT people are a related subspecies, though.

Identifont

Here's a great site for all us book/print/typography geeks:

http://www.identifont.com/

Identifont has a lot of info about different fonts, and allows you to run a search on a font name to see a sample or similar fonts. But the most interesting part of the site to my mind is the "Identify a font" option, where you answer a series of questions about a font you've seen. It will try to tell you what the name of the font is. I've had mixed results using this to identify fonts I already know the names of, but it's still a neat tool.

Identifont also has information on downloading free fonts from other sites.

Jobbity Job in Madison

Is anyone still in the Madison area and looking for a job? One of the guys who works here at the UW preparing stuff for digitization is leaving at the end of July, and the boss said to point people her way if I knew anyone. Let me know if you're interested! (It's Leia, btw; I think my nom du guerre threw some people off. And I doubt that I spelled "nom du guerre" correctly....)

beard jokes never get old

Is anyone else super annoyed by all of the shitty trailers that keep advertising movies as being produced "by the guys who brought you the 40-year-old Virgin"? I'm pissed because Judd Apatow was only tangentially involved in most of these projects (as in, he's making money but didn't make them funny) and we can already tell that the films are going to completely suck or will be sophomoric to the point of painfulness.

Anyway, I found this neat little collection of sound clips from Knocked Up that compiles all of the hi-LAR-ious beard jokes from that movie here: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Knocked_up_Beard_Joke.aspx.

Just listen to those clips a couple of times instead of going to see Forgetting Sarah Henderson or Drillbit Wilson or whatever else is getting promoted as the next Superbad.

Dr. Seuss in The Onion

Many of you probably got to see this IN PRINT, but for anyone who missed it:

Stop Making Movies About My Books

Who needs a rice cooker in the library?

The following pointless but somewhat amusing dialog occurred at work this evening.

Student worker: Did you see that?
Me: What?
Student worker: A girl just came through here carrying a rice cooker.
Me: I didn't see her.
Patron: I didn't either.
Me: Maybe you imagined it.
Student worker: I didn't imagine it! She was real!
Me: Okay, I believe you. I mean, that would be about the world's most boring delusion.

I still don't know why anyone would have a rice cooker in the library, though.

Librarian Starlets

For those of you who missed auditions in Madison last month, here is your turn to be in a movie AND maybe possibly meet Johnny Depp and kiss him full on the lips and swoon and faint in his arms, and then he'll fall in love with you and ditch that twiggy French thing and be yours forever.

A new procrastination tool

The Amazing Fact Generator--

Offering 2 ways to procrastinate--gorge yourself on weird and wonderful facts, or add your own Trivial Pursuitworthy tidbits!

My fave so far:
"It’s not widely publicized, but Mr. Clean has a first name: 'Veritably.'"

A cartoon, as requested by our very own Miss Katie

PS: Yes, it's clip art. While I can draw, I find clip art so much more expressive :)

barack obama is your new bicycle

Old school procrastination. Go to this site and hit Refresh. Repeat. Again.

Barack Obama wasted your afternoon.

happy vd from the rnc

I would have sent you all a not-that funny Obama or Clinton valentine via email, but I don't want to get on some right-wing-nut mailing list. So sorry, now the blog is probably on a do-not-fly list.

Awesome cartoon

Maybe being a librarian is OK after all!

Deppressing cartoon for Monday

This hurts a little

It could totally be changed to "Grad school" and "6 years."

The Mildly Attractive Men of SLIS

File this one under "Oh no they didn't!"

A note on the Blog

I like the new subtitle--nice job to who ever put that up.

I also like that our label cloud looks like a curvy lady.

And here's a lamp that every library employee needs.

That is all.

Information Slut

I saw some students I know in the campus cafeteria the other day.

"There's my librarian!" one said.

"No, she's my librarian!" the other said.

"Girls, girls, I'm EVERYBODY'S librarian," I said. "I help everyone with their questions. I'm kind of an information slut."

This lead me to think, what if I were NOT in fact an information slut? What if I WEREN'T willing to give it up for just anyone? What might a shift on the reference desk be like then?

*sparkly music to indicate beginning of fantasy sequence*

PATRON: I'm looking for books about Rasputin.
ME: And I'm looking for an attractive single doctor. You know any?

PATRON: I want to find some articles about integrating children with developmental disabilities into a classroom.
ME: Well, I want a pony. I guess we can't always get what we want.

PATRON: I need some help finding this article.
ME: I need a drink.

PATRON: Where are the DVDs?
ME: Why don't you ask your mother?

*sparkly music to indicate ending of fantasy sequence*

Ms. Dewey's got nothing on me.

Librarian Kitty :P

Jane Austen + Nelly Furtado

I know I'm not the only Jane Austen fan here...we're a bunch of librarians, after all.

This music video made me smile. :)

A challenge us literary-types can get into

Find an earlier footnote, win a fancy dinner

Though in all honesty, I think I'm too lazy for this....

Like Oscars, but for books!

In case anyone wasn't up at 7:00 this morning to watch the live webcast from Philadelphia (because they have enough sense to get their sleep and just wait for the list to be uploaded), here are the 2008 winners of all the children's and young adult literature awards!

For the slightly less interested, the "big winners" were...

[drumroll, please]

Newbery Medal: Good Masters! Sweet Ladies!: Voices from a Medieval Village by Laura Amy Schlitz, published by Candlewick;

Caldecott Medal: The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick, published by Scholastic;

Michael L. Printz Award: The White Darkness by Geraldine McCaughrean, published by HarperTempest;

...and just because I love Mo:

Theodor Seuss Geisel Award: There is a Bird on Your Head by Mo Willems, published by Hyperion.

With all the award winners and honor books, I've got quite the reading list to tackle! Let me know if you want to discuss any of the titles!

Movin' up in the world

Not me, sadly....

Here's a TV appearance by the White Rabbits. On Letterman, no less.

BBC, where is the love?

So today the BBC is reporting on a 50-car pile up caused by fog in Florida.

There was no mention in the BBC news of the 100-car pile up in Wisconsin.

Is it because Wisconsin is hard to spell? Or because we don't have sexy Spring Break shenanigans?

I'm Number 12!

As CeCe says, finally.

your mom swashes your clothes

DUDE, anti-laundry?! Sign me up! Where the hell was this when we were in grad school?

This is so wrong, but somehow so right

29 (The other tests are equally addicting, if, like me, you love such useless things)

Also, in case anyone missed the top 25 songs of 2007, here they are, distilled into 1 five minute chunk of awesomeness. Happy New Year!