If I Was Your Mother

I have no link for this post, and to be honest I don't really have a point either. I just have to share.

As some of you heard last night, I was recently stunned to learn that Bon Jovi had a song called "If I Was Your Mother". Someone at work has the entire Keep the Faith album (best known for "Bed of Roses") in their iTunes library, and this particular title caught my eye. I figured it had to be a mislabeled file, but no. There actually is a Bon Jovi song in which ol' Jon Boy wails away about his fantasy of being some chick's mother so he'll be able to tuck her in at night, hear all her secrets, and be closer to her than anyone else.

I remember the popular music of 1992 pretty well (the Billboard Hot 100 for the year includes "Smells Like Teen Spirit", "November Rain", and of course the classic "Baby Got Back"), but I have no memory of hearing "If I Was Your Mother" at that time. And believe me, this is the kind of song that sticks in your mind. And your craw.

Sample lyrics:

Tell me there's no other,
To who you're telling your secrets.
And would you tell me,
'Bout all the boys you been
Bringing home to meet me.

Tell me what I got to do,
To make my life mean more to you.
I could get so close it's true,
If I was your...
Mother! (Mother!)
If I was your...
Mother! (Mother!)

It may be the single most disturbing song I've ever heard. I didn't know whether to laugh or hurl. (Okay, I eventually decided on laughing, and spent the next four minutes giggling like a maniac.) The questionable grammar and standard hair metal guitar solo didn't help.